Featured in Bedbible - Sexual Incompatibility

Sexual Incompatibility – 40 Sex Experts Share Their Advice

Author: Minuca Elena

Sexual incompatibility is a problem many couples face. What should you do when you are in love, the other person makes you happy, you dream of a future together, but you are lacking in the sex department.

It’s an issue that you both face not only your partner. You must fix it together because otherwise, it may lead to a life of frustration or to a breakup.

One problem that you may have is the frequency of sex. Maybe you want to have sex every day, or more than once a day, while your partner is happy to have sex once per week.

Perhaps you want to experiment with some kinks and fetishes but your partner looks down on such wishes considering them “wired”.

Or maybe your deepest fantasy is to have a threesome but your partner doesn’t even want to consider the idea.

There are many more situations in which a couple may not share the same needs or desires.

If you are committed to save the relationship, then you should wait for the problem to disappear. That’s not going to happen.

The best thing you can do is to get professional help.

Before you pay for an expensive consultation with a sex therapist, you should read this article. We reached out to 40 sex therapists, marriage counselors and sex experts and asked them to reply to the following question:

How can a couple improve their relationship if their sexual preferences are not compatible?

ROBYN’S ADVICE:

First of all, it’s important to note that it’s not uncommon for couples to have different sexual preferences. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong.

In fact, it can add a healthy dose of sexual tension. I suggest a practice of taking turns for my clients where each person has time and space to explore their desires.

How it looks in practice: decide together how much time to spend in this experimental container – 30 minutes, 1 hour, 2 hours…and each person will have half that time for their turn. When it’s your turn, you get to ask for whatever you want.

Bring your desires forward, while respecting the limits of your partner. You might ask your partner, ‘will you spank me?’ or, ‘can I spank you?’ or, ‘can I pull your hair?’ Notice what sounds great to you at the moment.

Make the request and give your partner space to respond with a yes or no, or to ask for more information. If it’s a no, move on to another request. If it’s a yes, you get to do the action and then make another request. When the time is up, say ‘thank you’ and switch roles.

Now it’s your partner’s turn to ask for what they want. They might ask to be cuddled, or for soft strokes down their back, or for you to tell them five things you love about them. It’s their turn to put their desires forward.

Your job is to pay attention to your limits – are you willing to give them this gift? It may not be what you would ask for, but can you set aside what you want for this time to allow them to find what feels great for them? When the time is up, say ‘you’re welcome’ and close your container.